For many women, this phenomenon is like El Dorado: it is unknown whether it exists or it is just a beautiful legend. For someone female orgasm, like a solar eclipse: it is something distant, incomprehensible, occurring once every few years.
And for some, orgasmic ecstasy, like brushing your teeth, happens twice a day, in the morning and before bed. The latter are usually envied with deep envy.
Let's find out why some people get orgasms and others don't, and what does it depend on? Is it possible to make a woman who has never experienced an orgasm suddenly awaken physically and start shooting orgasm after orgasm like a machine gun?
Female orgasm and its health benefits
During orgasm, a strong psycho-emotional release occurs. At these moments, a hormonal storm of bliss rages in a woman’s body, which introduces her into an altered state of consciousness. In non-scientific language, pinning is not childish. After orgasmic ecstasy or a series of attacks of sexual pleasure, total relaxation of the body occurs. The tone in the muscles weakens for a while. Chronic muscle spasms that interfere with blood circulation go away. A state of peace and grace ensues. In consciousness, the internal dialogue, which in most cases never shuts up during normal wakefulness, becomes silent for a while. All this has a positive effect on both physical and mental health.
Causes of anorgasmia
The lack of orgasm is due to a woman’s inability to completely surrender to the process and disconnect from the outside world. Often, during sex, such girls think about something that distances them from what they are doing. Their thoughts begin to revolve around something indirectly related to the process of achieving orgasm. Something like: does she look charming enough, is she sweating too much, is she making sufficiently seductive moans, etc. In the process, they can even begin to behave in a pretentious way, as if trying to play the role of a sexually liberated lady.
This happens because they are afraid of losing control over themselves. After all, as mentioned above, orgasm is an altered state of consciousness. And in an altered state of consciousness, as our anorgasmic young lady thinks, it is unknown what can happen. To the point that her mascara will smear, from the grimaces that she will make at the most beautiful moments of her life.
And indeed, in a fit of erotic ecstasy, a woman temporarily flies “into another dimension.” And from this there arises the fear of losing control over the situation and the physical body located in “this dimension”. After all, during an orgasm, flight from reality will not make it possible to monitor everything that is happening in real time.
Such fears push the fairer sex further and further away from merging with a partner in psycho-emotional catharsis.
The girl’s described desire to control everything that happens to her is due to an increased level of anxiety.
The girl seems to be in constant anticipation that something might go wrong. What if someone knocks on the door or she suddenly turns her non-working side and divulges information about her unpleasant appearance, which will make her partner horrified and lose consciousness.
Anxiety can be expressed in any aspect, but very often ladies have problems associated with self-esteem.
Types of orgasms3
Now we know the relative definition of orgasm. Let's talk about the types and features.
- Clitoral orgasm
The clitoris is perhaps the most sensitive point of the female body. It is considered a life-saving “button” in achieving orgasm during vaginal or anal sex. Depending on the threshold of sensitivity, posture, preferences and type of sex, girls create their own set of clitoral caresses.
The clitoris is the anatomical analogue of the penis, consisting of millions of nerve endings. It, like the penis, swells under the influence of physical stimulation and increases in size. Upon reaching orgasm, it returns to its original form.
Research shows that up-down, right-left, circular and wavy movements have a greater effect on the clitoris. Such techniques are actively used in standard cunnilingus and are considered basic. But this is not a reason to stop. Experiment, discuss variations and sensations with your partner. If you cannot achieve orgasm with your tongue or fingers, then the problem can be solved by using mini vibrators, vibrators with a tongue for the clitoris, or vacuums.
- G – orgasm
Exactly G is located on the anterior wall of the vagina in the first third from the entrance. You can't see it, but you can feel it well. If you insert a finger into the vagina and press on the front wall near the entrance, you can feel the spongy area. This is the sweet spot.
By gently stroking and stimulating the G-spot, the girls prepare to have an orgasm. At the peak of sexual arousal, a large amount of blood flows to the point and it swells slightly. When touched by fingers or the penis, a vibrator, the point is “triggered”, and girls experience an unimaginable, intense orgasm with dynamic contractions of the pelvic floor muscles and cramps in the legs.
- Combined orgasm
If the intensity and duration of an orgasm is important to you, then this type is clearly for you. Combined orgasm is the experience of simultaneous stimulation of several erogenous zones of the body. You can create the following options:
- Stimulation of the G-spot and clitoris.
- Squeezing nipples and caressing with tongue.
- Impact on the point or clitoris and anal penetration with a finger.
- Active stroking of the point and caressing (licking) of the feet.
Some girls experience orgasm when applied to the feet, buttocks, and neck.
- Using all of the above manipulations.
However, this is not the entire list of variations of combined orgasm. Its appearance will depend on the preferences, posture and degree of sensitivity of the girl. The most advantageous poses:
- Missionary (stimulation of the clitoris, nipples, G-spot).
- Girl on top (stimulation of breasts, anus, G-spot).
- Man from behind (stimulation of the clitoris, anus, G-spot).
For convenience, you can use a vibrator or the classic option - with your fingers.
- Anal orgasm
Anal sex cannot be considered habitual or everyday. For some girls this is a pleasant, spicy pleasure, others put it as a taboo. If you fall into the first category, then you need to know a thing or two about anal orgasm.
Considering that the anus and rectum are located quite close to the vagina and are separated by a thin muscle layer (perineum), they have a large number of common nerve endings. When having vaginal sex, you can get anal orgasm and vice versa. If you combine both types of sex and spice it up with clitoral stimulation, the girl will experience an incredible multi-orgasm. In this case, muscle contractions are more intense and longer lasting.
- Deep vaginal orgasm
The G-spot is not the only area in the vagina that can bring pleasure. There is also point A (located on the front wall of the vagina directly below the cervix) and point O (under the cervix on the back wall of the vagina). The ligaments of these zones contain numerous sensory nerve endings. If the penis, fingers or vibrator completely fill the vagina until it touches the cervix, then there is a high probability of receiving special pleasure. Stimulation of the points promotes intense contraction of the uterine muscles and a more powerful orgasm.
- Orgasm - squirt
Let's talk about female ejaculation. At the moment of strong arousal, hard sex, cunnilingus, a moderate to significant amount of clear fluid is released from the glands of the urethra or vagina. Typically, this condition is caused by intense stimulation of the G-spot and caressing the area around the urethra.
It is very difficult to compile a statistical report on obtaining an orgasm - squirting, since many are embarrassed to talk about it or remain silent because they consider it a pathology.
- Cervical orgasm
In the most beautiful films or porn videos, you can see how girls react to fairly deep penetration (caressing the cervix). This zone is also the most sensitive and causes an equally intense orgasm. The already known set serves as stimulants: penis, fingers, vibrator, dildo, sex machines (electronic).
- Nipple orgasm
Breasts and nipples, along with the G-spot and clitoris, are quite strong erogenous zones of a girl. They are rich in sensitive nerve endings and hypersensitive skin. When kissing, sucking, licking or squeezing, the nipples become erect (harden and swell slightly). Nipple caress can be combined with cunnilingus or vaginal penetration.
- Load orgasm
It sounds quite strange, but orgasm from physical activity (coreorgasm) really does occur. Girls enjoy standard exercises: squats, presses, plie, during which intense compression of the perineal muscles occurs. However, some girls may still need clitoral or G-spot stimulation.
- Orgasm in a dream
It's no secret that many people have erotic dreams. If there is a vivid plot and increased sensitivity to intimate caresses, girls are able to experience orgasm in their sleep. This feature is observed between the ages of 30 and 45 years.
Dreams of a sexual nature equally contribute to blood flow to the genitals, achieving orgasm and relaxation. A girl can get pleasure without even waking up.
- Multiple orgasms
Unlike men, women do not have a refractory period. She doesn't need time to recover, so multiple orgasms can be considered a winning round. Once the peak of pleasure is reached, a woman can remain at this level for some time. Long-term stimulation of erogenous zones should be combined with independent muscle contractions. This will increase blood flow and enhance pleasure.
Knowing the types and techniques necessary to achieve orgasm, you can choose your own or combine the ones you like. The language of feelings is easy to master if you systematically practice and speak it. Be attentive to each other and do not forget about experiments.
Anxiety related to self-esteem
The girl does not think that if the guy chose her, then he already liked her as a sexual object. And that he will like her much more if she devotes herself entirely to the process of intercourse.
Problems with increased levels of anxiety and self-esteem originate, as always, from communication with parents during childhood, who taught the girl to treat herself this way. Most likely, the mother experienced the same problems and became an unwitting role model.
We will not fully touch on child-parent relationships in this article.
Sexual desire disorders
Experience 15 years
Lychagin Andrey Sergeevich
Head of the department of innovative technologies in the field of andrology and urology, urologist-andrologist, ultrasound doctor, sexologist Candidate of Medical Sciences
As a rule, a violation of sexual desire in itself is a consequence of other disorders in the social, physiological or psychosexual sphere. Agree, it is difficult to imagine a situation where a person has no problems with self-esteem, with establishing contacts, with positioning himself as a sexual partner, and also has no health problems, but there is a violation of sexual desire.
Of course, a loss or decrease in sexual desire can be caused by an unsuccessful experience of the first sexual contact, as well as such trivial reasons as stress, fatigue, excessive complexes about the loss of physical attractiveness due to age or for other reasons. Alcohol abuse, a sedentary lifestyle, and an unbalanced diet also play a negative role. If you or your partner observe, as it seems to you, a “causeless” disturbance of sexual desire, then it is worth undergoing a medical examination or at least taking general tests to rule out chronic diseases or hormonal imbalances, which can also affect overall sexual activity.
In long-term relationships, unfortunately, a gradual decrease in sexual desire is often observed. Do you remember the popular expression “The boat of love crashed on the reefs of everyday life”? Everyday disorder, differences in interests, misunderstandings in everyday details lead to conflicts. Mutual irritation increases, conflicts accumulate... Unfortunately, in such situations, many women begin to use sex as a tool of manipulation: sending their spouse to “sleep on the sofa,” and demonstratively reacting too coldly to all sorts of attempts to get closer. Alas, such tactics are doomed to failure.
You shouldn’t resort to the opposite tactic - using sex as a “medicine” to settle a conflict, reconcile with a partner without trying to eliminate the immediate cause of the misunderstanding. Sooner or later, problems will accumulate and the degree of dissatisfaction with each other will go off scale. Relationships will begin to break down, including sexual ones.
Another pitfall of long-term relationships is monotony and fatigue from each other. Strong passion passes and it may well seem that everything has already been tried and communication with a partner will not bring anything new. But you want new sensations... And a situation arises when the sexual attraction to one’s regular partner decreases, while the attraction to another person (or even the hero of a book, film, virtual person) is very strong. This often leads to betrayal, disappointment and the loss of a permanent partner.
If sexual desire is reduced throughout life, then you need to look for the reason for this in childhood. Psychological traumas that are firmly rooted in the subconscious often lead to this result.
Another reason for decreased libido is a decreased level of the sex hormone testosterone. It is easy to identify; all you need to do is take a blood test. Normalizing hormonal levels is also not difficult.
Fear of death and female orgasm
As you already understand, the fear of orgasm is partly associated with the fear of an altered state of consciousness, which implies letting go of control and completely surrendering to the process of sexual intercourse.
An altered state of consciousness is something that can cause fear similar to the fear of death, since in this state a person’s consciousness turns off for some time. It seems to leave the body. Scientifically speaking, there is a dissociation of consciousness and body. Especially believers may create an analogy with the exit of the soul from the body. What is this if not death?
And indeed, quality sex is something existential. Something that affects the deep layers of the psyche, for contact with which many individuals are simply not ready.
Fear of strong emotional states
Touching the deep layers of the psyche and contact with the subconscious, which occur during sexual practice, cause cathartic states that imply the emergence of a strong emotional background.
This is due to the fact that in addition to the strong activation of the nervous system, the endocrine system, which controls the internal secretion organs, is also actively involved in the work.
A female orgasm creates a kind of hormonal explosion in the body, provoking such an intense influx of emotions that the consciousness is unable to cope with them and goes into a special mode of functioning.
It is these overwhelming emotions that frighten many girls who have little contact with their feelings and constantly repress them.
There may have been mental traumas in their lives that are now associated with certain emotions. Women try to avoid these emotions. And when they inevitably arise, consciousness displaces them into the unconscious layers of the psyche. And naturally, the hormonal storm called orgasm creates the risk that these demons will come out and drive the girl crazy. After which she will end up in a madhouse, where she will be lobotomized and, drooling, will spend the rest of her days there under potent drugs.
But, fortunately or unfortunately, this can never happen from an orgasm. And all such fears are unfounded. Since the female orgasm cannot bring anything other than pleasure and benefits for the health of the body and psyche.
What does it take to experience a female orgasm?
Developing contact with the body
Girls who have difficulty achieving orgasm should increase contact with their own body and their own feelings.
Sports and yoga are very suitable for this. Improved coordination provides an understanding of how different parts of the skeletal muscles work, which increases sensitivity and trust in your body.
Various types of massage help improve your ability to navigate your own body very well. Only during sessions it is important not to switch off, but to be in an active state, observe your feelings and draw conclusions about your sensitivity.
Also a useful practice for ladies is to explore their sensuality through masturbation. For many, this seems something shameful and sinful. That is why they will burn in a hellish cauldron next to the murderous maniacs.
And this is not surprising, because the parents of many girls scolded and condemned them for their interest in their own genitals. This instilled in them fear and disgust for this wonderful process, which, in addition to pleasant sensations and the development of sensuality, also trains fine motor skills of the hands.
Developing contact with emotions
In addition to the body, it would be nice to study your emotions. After all, bodily tightness manifests itself in emotional constraint. And a person who is not oriented in emotions will not be oriented in choosing a sexual partner. After all, the quality choice of a sexual partner, the ability to create empathic contact with him, the ability to trust him at the right moment and surrender to your emotions, directly affects the ability to achieve orgasm.
You can study your inner world on your own by reading articles like this one, looking at psychological videos (preferably mine), and also communicating with people who are higher than you in personal development.
One of the ways to grow personally and increase emotional awareness is to visit a psychotherapist (well, you understand everything yourself).
A psychotherapist will help:
- Find problems that prevent you from relaxing emotionally and physically;
- Increase self-esteem;
- Learn to turn off internal dialogue
- Concentrate on the desired process.
On the path of personal growth, it is important to admit your own incompetence in certain areas. In order to fill these gaps, you need to be able to use all opportunities to enrich your inner world. And competent specialists can become good assistants.
How orgasms happen
Differences in orgasms between men and women are due to the structure of their bodies. In guys, during sexual discharge, sperm moves (in 90% of cases) and it exits the testes through narrow ducts. During movement, the secretion irritates the nerve endings located on the ducts, which is perceived by the brain as a signal for a strong psycho-emotional release.
The release of sperm occurs in jerks, because its movement is carried out by the contracting smooth muscles of the genital organ. The stronger the release of sperm, the faster the outflow of blood from the penis, the more actively it loses elasticity (decreased erection). Moreover, immediately after ejaculation, a man loses interest in sex, and such apathy lasts from 15 minutes to several hours.
In women, orgasm is also associated with the release of secretory fluid, but its amount is less than in men. The fluid or vaginal lubrication that increases with sexual satisfaction is actually produced by the glands of the cervical canal (cervix). If a woman is aroused, the uterus itself extends deep into the pelvic floor, which allows the length and depth of the vagina to increase. At the same time, she is closer to the penis and receives additional stimulation during the back-and-forth movements of the partner. When intimate intercourse reaches its climax, the muscles of the main reproductive organ contract.
During these contractions, the accumulated fluid is pushed out of the cervix, which is a fairly dense ball of mucus (a plug that slows down the penetration of sperm into the uterine cavity), but it does not leave the vagina, but remains in it, with one end continuing to hold onto the cervical canal.
During these processes, the woman experiences bright and pleasant contractions, forming a kind of vacuum in the uterus, which is perceived by the brain as an orgasm. After the onset of discharge, tension in the organs of the reproductive system decreases and disappears, the cervix closes and its next opening occurs after a new orgasm or with the onset of menstruation.
